


sanctity

by aruzeii



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bible Quotes, Blasphemy, Blood Kink, Bottom Hwang Hyunjin, Catholic, Corruption, Dom Bang Chan, Dom/sub, God Kink, M/M, Manipulation, Masochism, Pain Kink, Postulant Hyunjin, Priest Chan, Religion Kink, Sub Hwang Hyunjin, Top Bang Chan, blowjob, except it is not, handjobs, hyunjin is a masochist, mortification, sex in a chapel, sex in a confessional booth, uses of cilice, yes this is very religious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:09:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22447732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aruzeii/pseuds/aruzeii
Summary: When one does sin, one must face the consequences. Hwang Hyunjin is just doing his penance; perhaps to the wrong god.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Hwang Hyunjin
Comments: 71
Kudos: 372





	1. The Saint

_isaiah 64:6  
"all of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind, our sins sweep us away."_

The quiet hallway was suddenly filled with the hurried steps of Hwang Hyunjin's bare feet. He paid no mind to the cold sensation of the wooden floor touching his soles, he ignored the damp feeling as his fingers were met with the weathered wall. The young postulant cursed under his breath. "Darn it," and quickly made a cross sign; apologizing to God for spatting such bad words.

  


Dragging his long robe across the emptied hallway, Hyunjin cursed himself for being a slacker and waking up late. He didn't even got the chance to do his morning prayers nor to draw water from the well. Only God knows what punishments were waiting for him. And the nuns. And the priest. 

  


In that very wall, in the cramped dark chambers, Hwang Hyunjin were slowly meld into the monastery's strict rules. So forceful, even Hyunjin sometimes regretted it. Services, penances, punishments he won’t ever repeat. But this was God's path, he often told himself. God chose him. 

  


For that, he would always be His best son. For that, he would always follow such holy rules. For that, he would suffer.

  


"What are you doing?!" the deep voice snapped Hyunjin out of his thoughts. "The Lauds is about to start soon!"

  


Standing in front of the dark abbey, Lee Felix crossed his arms with judging eyes. Sunlight illuminated his small figure from behind, making him look like the Holy Spirit. He'd been Hyunjin's best friend since he started his monastery life. Even though his deep voice could never match his baby face, Felix would always be Hyunjin's voice of reason, very much Hyunjin's very own tongue of fire. The younger male had also been one of the most patients handling Hyunjin, even more than the old nuns. 

  


For now, Felix was not very happy. Nor patient. Yet not a single fire tongue were spat, yet. 

  


Hyunjin mumbled a sorry before following Felix's footsteps toward the old chapel. The heavy atmosphere quickly made way to Hyunjin's nostrils. Just like his best friend had said, the chapel was filled with everyone, already bowing toward the tabernacle. The two postulants dipped their fingers in the holy water, hurriedly making a cross sign before stepping to the nearest empty pew. 

  


"O God, come to our aid." 

  


Hyunjin kneeled beside the pew, making another cross before sitting down beside Felix, whose already chanting along with the others. "O Lord, make haste to help us." 

  


"Glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit," the priest pealed. As Hyunjin recognized, it was Father Chan's husky voice. 

  


Hyunjin lifted his chin up, only to crash his eyes onto the priest's sharp gaze. Father Chan's stare were sharp. It made way to Hyunjin's diaphragm, making the young man hold his breath. Even from afar, Hyunjin could see how soothing his eyes would usually look. 

  


Yet right then, it made him burn in an absurd disturbance, making him frozen still with eyes glued to the priest's. 

  


"As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be," his sight never leaving Hyunjin's. "World without end." 

  


The priest curved his lips into a smile. Hyunjin stared. Not being able to translate what that expression meant. Never wanting to know what that smile meant. Never wanting to know why that smile made a strange stab to his chest. 

  


Father Chan looked up, leaving his eyes from Hyunjin, as if nothing ever happened. The priest shared his gaze around the room, coating the congregation with warmth. 

  


"Amen," the crowd followed. "Alleluia." 

  


Hyunjin decided to shrug it off. 

  

    
    
      
    
    * * *
    
    
    

Hyunjin knelt down, facing the dark screen. "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." 

  


His whisper was loud enough to cover his thumping heart. He hated how cowardly his voice echoed through the walls. The confessional was dark as always, with the fading dusk sunlight seeking through its door. Dampness creeped around him, making the small cubicle even more claustrophobic. 

  


He felt trapped.

  


The confessional was hot and stuffy. Hyunjin’s lips quivered. His thick, stale robe did nothing to cover his goosebumps. The other presence didn’t make him feel any less lonely. Hyunjin couldn't see anyone before the screen, though he'd already known it was Father Chan, as he was the only priest available in the chapel.

  


"It has been a week since my last confession, Father. These are my sins," Hyunjin closed his eyes and took a deep breath before continuing. "I broke a rule, I broke my curfew last night, Father. I slept late yesterday because I was reading a letter from my family, Father. 

  


"I was angry and I cursed at my family, Father. It's true that I've kept secrets from them all my life, Father. I've been telling them sins before I went to my postulant life, Father," Hyunjin sealed his lips and eyes tight. His fists clenched as he felt his body shake in sorry. 

  


He lightly opened his eyes and noticed the blond locks before the screen. Father Chan’s. And he noticed the dark orbs stabbing right through him. Such familiar stare—that was the same gaze he saw at the Lauds. And now those eyes were telling him to continue. 

  


He’s a good child of God. He did.

  


"I did not pray before going to bed last night, Father, and—and I was late for the Lauds this morning, Father. I was lazy and irresponsible, Father." 

  


Confessions always leave him in apologetic tears, yet he suddenly felt rather—calm. The mild, feathery atmosphere caressed his chest, making him want to confess more. The priests’s mere presence were all over him, overwhelming him. The odd serene washed over him, coating him with discomposure. As if such feelings were pushing him to sin more.  
He shuddered, continuing with a more stable voice. "I am sorry for these and all the sins of my past life."

  


And the sweet honey voice soaped Hyunjin's ears like an ave. Father Chan muttered, almost to himself. "Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless." 

  


The young postulant almost choked as he recognized the verse. "James chapter one, verse twenty-six, Father," he mumbled mindlessly. He wanted to tear, he felt worthless. He had disobeyed the words of God.

  


"Good boy, Hwang Hyunjin.” 

  


The poor son of the Lord gasped, not knowing what to do after hearing such… odd, no, baffling words. 

  


Why would Father Chan praise a sinner like him? Why did Hyunjin's heart drop to his stomach? Why did his head heat up? Moreover, how could Father Chan know his name?

  


What was that funny feeling between his thighs? 

  


Hyunjin felt wrong. He wanted to run. 

  


"Ezekiel chapter eighteen, verse twenty-one," Father Chan continued, not seemed to be affected by the penitent’s stupefaction. 

  


"But if the wicked do penance for all his sins which he hath committed, and keep all my commandments, and do judgment, and justice, living he shall live, and shall not die.

  


"As for your penance, say ten Hail Mary's, and five Our Father's. You may perform those in my office," the priest's voice lowered. "And afterwards, recite verses for forgiveness, and mortification. With me.” 

  


Hyunjin nodded with obedience, keeping his head low to hide his hot, reddened cheeks. Father Chan’s tone made it sound like _he_ was the one condoning Hyunjin’s sins, not the Lord. Adding more to the anomaly, the last penance was unusual, it was odd. Was his sins that bad that he must do the mortification of the flesh? Were those acts still approved by the Catholic Church? 

  


"You may express Act of Contrition." 

  


A part of Hyunjin wanted to escape, yet another part of him wanted to stay forever in the confessional and do more, much more sins.


	2. Mortification

_1 corinthians 9:27  
“but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.”_

  


Shivering from the cold breeze, warmth didn’t come when Hyunjin felt the icy touch of the priest. He gasped.

  


“Your robe, it’s slipping." Father Chan’s breathy voice, once again, covered Hyunjin like a hymn. 

  


Hyunjin was a good child of God. As told by the priest, he came to Father Chan’s office after his confession. He was soon greeted by the sight of the holy man standing right behind the wooden door, stepping close to let him in. Hyunjin let himself drawn to the grip of the priest as the holy man put his hand on his bare shoulder. 

  


Hyunjin let the fading light of Father Chan’s office to coat over his body. He let the wooden floor to swallow his bare feet. He let the humid air to brush his nape. 

  


Hyunjin allowed himself to melt onto the priest’s freezing touch. 

  


Then that they were only millimeters away, Hyunjin noticed that Father Chan was shorter than him. How his body was built like an athlete, even when it was covered by his cassock. How his whole appearance looked like it was carefully sculpted by Holy Spirit. Hyunjin scanned through his wistful eyes. The dim, orange lights did no fair as it wasn't enough to illuminate Father Chan's gorgeous face in front of him. Leaving Hyunjin with the astonishing silhouette of the holy man. 

  


It was not right to think about him like that, Hyunjin thought. The postulant quickly put his inner chaos to the back of his mind and focus on the saint's gestures in front of him. 

  


Father Chan ignored Hyunjin’s rhapsodic gaze, turning around and walked toward his wooden desk.

  


Even the way he walked were stunning in Hyunjin's eyes. The priest’s every step was mesmerizing, as if he was guided—no, as if he walked with Holy Spirit heaving his feet. As if he flew. Hyunjin wanted to be lifted by him. Hyunjin wanted ease. 

  


He erased his thoughts again. He had enough sin today.

  


But standing there, Hyunjin had no option but to stare at the priest’s broad back. 

  


He pretended that he had no other option but to smother the priest’s body with silent adoration. 

  


Father Chan bowed down to reach under his desk. Silence filled the small room, intoxicatingly awkward atmosphere surrounding them. Hyunjin scratched the back of his head as his eyes wandered around the room. It only took him a few steps to reach the musty wall, covered with picture frames and a cross. His fingers traveled across the monochrome pictures, recognizing no one—not even Father Chan's face.

  


Hyunjin turned to Father Chan's wooden table in the back of the room. His curiosity won over his polite self as he spot all the papers on the priest’s table while glancing at the kneeling priest beside him. The priest's hand snuck inside his drawer, trying to pull out something, completely ignoring the younger's presence. Hwang Hyunjin distracted himself from the veins of the priest’s hand, onto the stuffed table. 

  


Hyunjin observed the contents on the priest's table. Much to his surprise, Father Chan’s appearance were contradicting the pile of books on his desk. He peeked on the documents laid on the smooth teak, and realized that it wasn’t right for him to be there. That it wasn’t right for him to read through the priest’s documents. That it wasn’t right for him to be anywhere near such a holy man, moreover in his sacred office. 

  


The sudden discomfort creeped through him. He should leave. He should run, but his feet was nailed to the ground. Screaming and convincing him that this is what God wanted. 

  


And since Hyunjin was a good child of God, he should stay. 

  


“Father,” Hyunjin hated his voice for coming out like a squeak. “What are we doing? What am _I_ doing?”

  


Father Chan pulled his (oh, so beautiful) veiny hand from his drawer and took out an oddly familiar-looking belt. Hyunjin saw the model of it when he was studying early personal prelature a long time ago. The young postulant remembered how Felix and he had laughed at the silly-looking belt, without a single idea of its purpose. Right then, Hyunjin found himself stunned at the continuous loops of metal. The way it reflected the vague light was so beautiful that Hyunjin couldn’t stop staring. 

  


The priest then looked up, facing Hyunjin. His whole face shifted from the cold stern face, into a much, much warmer tone, Hyunjin could mistake it as a proud face. His graceful pink lips warped into a smile. Hyunjin found himself crying for more sighting of such beautiful smile. 

  


“Hwang Hyunjin,” the priest said, approaching he younger male. There’s something in the way Father Chan pronounce his full name that made Hyunjin shiver.

  


“Have you ever heard of Mother Teresa?” 

  


With his eyesight still stuck on the metal belt, Hyunjin nodded mindlessly at the odd question. Hyunjin paid no mind. “Of course, Father. Everybody knows her and her good deeds.” 

  


“Do you want to be like her, Hyunjin?”

  


Hyunjin moved his eyes toward the priest, eyebrows furrowing. “Of course, Father,” he chuckled, his hand rubbing his hair awkwardly. “Who wouldn’t want to be a mendicant like her? But I’m not a woman, Father. I can’t be a nun.” 

  


Father Chan stared at the younger for a while, not seemingly to be satisfied at the postulant’s answer. “Do you know Padre Pio then, Hyunjin?” The odd metal belt made a whimsical jingle as the priest clenched his fist at it.

  


Of course he knew the famous stigmatist. He read books about Roman Catholicism a while back. Saint Padre Pio was one of the first people to receive the stigmata. Hyunjin wondered sometimes, would God choose him to be one to receive such sacred symbols? Would Hyunjin ever be worthy enough?

  


“I do, Father.”

  


Father Chan stepped closer to Hyunjin, making the young postulant backed off instinctively. “You want to be like him, don’t you, Hyunjin?” Every step the priest took were slowly caging him, making him feel small and trapped. “You would love to be so immaculate and reach the virtue, don’t you, my child?” 

  


Hyunjin flinched when Father Chan landed his hand on his shoulder, so lightly. “No, no, Hyunjin. Be good, don’t walk away from God.”

  


Of course. Of course, he’d be the best child of God. He’s good. He must not walk away.

  


“Hwang Hyunjin,” the priest said, close to Hyunjin’s ears. Hyunjin ignored his shivers. “You haven’t done your penance.”

  


Ah. He had completely forgotten about his penance since he’s swallowed by the priest’s office’s bizarre ambience. He felt himself getting embarrassed, heat reaching to his ear. He wanted to hide—yet Father Chan’s hand on his shoulder was keeping him exposed.

  


“Of, of course, Father. May I do it now?” Hyunjin did not dare to lay his eyes on the priest now. The walls felt like they’re tightening, suffocating him between Father Chan’s breaths and the dense air.

  


Without answering the postulant’s ask for permission, Father Chan dropped to his knees, his free hand caressing Hyunjin’s covered legs. “Open your legs, Hyunjin.”

  


_What?_

  


“Pardon, Father?”

  


“This is how Mother Teresa and Saint Padre Pio receive their sanctity, Hyunjin. They do the mortification of the flesh,” Father Chan lightly lifted Hyunjin’s heavy robe. “May I, Hyunjin? May I help, and guide you to the sacred path that God had chosen for you, Hyunjin? May I lead your way through your sins, weep them away and cleanse your body?

  


“May I guide you through the beginning of your sainted journey, for eternity?”

  


Hyunjin’s head spun. Father Chan’s words barely made it to his ears. He caught the word _sacred God path_ and some blurred voice of the priest saying _his sainted journey_. He felt his brain scrambling, leaving his thoughts zero. Everything became deafeningly quiet, and he wanted to scream. Scream for God. Guidance. Anything that would help his poor head figure out what was happening underneath his parted robe. 

  


He decided he wanted God. 

  


Not sure just what hole he threw himself into, his empty head nodded. He opened his legs, just as told. He wanted to be good for God.

  


He felt his body became like feather as soon as Father Chan’s cold hand begun rubbing on his now-bare leg. He let his eyes closed shut, enjoying the difference of temperature between his burning thighs and the priest’s icy fingers. 

  


“Hwang Hyunjin, I’m gonna wrap this on you.” 

  


Father Chan’s voice snapped the postulant from his staggered thoughts, lifting the metal belt high enough for Hyunjin to see. And that was when Hyunjin noticed the small spikes garnished around the belt, all pointing inward. Hyunjin choked on his breath, barely letting out a trembled murmur. “What is that, Father?”

  


Hyunjin tried to squirm away from the priest, but the fingers on his thigh were gripping him too tight. His legs won’t listen to the screaming in his brain, telling them to flee right away. His hand muscle won’t cooperate with him to push Father Chan away, as they weakened and his eyes began watering. 

  


“Hush now, Hwang Hyunjin, don’t cry,” Father Chan kept his tone cold and his grip tight. “I told you, this is how you’re gonna reach your sacred path.”

  


The postulant started sobbing in fear, his chest tightening as the air slowly escaped his heaving lungs. “Look, look, Hyunjin,” Father Chan opened his own cassock, revealing the same metal belt beautifully circling his stiffening thighs. The way the priest’s muscle contracted. The belt latched so tight onto him, it drew tiny droplets of blood. “This is what God wants us to do, Hyunjin. This is our path.”

  


Hyunjin collected his breath, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. His lips no longer quivering as he heard that _that was what God want them to do_.

  


The priest locked him in the eyes, his face softening. His gaze bathe Hyunjin with warmth and assurance. “God had chosen us for this, Hwang Hyunjin. You wouldn’t want to disappoint the words of Holy Father, don’t you?”

  


Hwang Hyunjin decided he’s a good child of God. He gave in to _his_ touch. He’s a good child of God. “Father, I’m no longer scared.” 

  


Father Chan turned his lips into the angelic smile, and all doubts were erased from the young postulant’s chest. The priest murmured a thank you. 

  


“This, Hyunjin,” Father Chan kept a steady hold on the metal belt, still on his knees, “will not hurt you. This was made to cleanse your body from your hylic sins, made to purify your soul from all disdain.”

  


Hyunjin nodded his head fast, zipping shut his eyes. He can’t wait to be cleaned, he can’t wait to be purified. 

  


As soon he heard the priest whispering, “In the name of The Father, and The Son, and The Holy Spirit, Amen,” Hyunjin felt the sharp sensation on his left thigh. He hissed at the pain, tears started to prickle at the tip of his eyes.

  


For a minute, Hyunjin couldn’t comprehend his surrounding. His head was buzzing from the pain and the irritation on his skin. He bit his lower lip to hide his winces, his hand subconsciously fled to the priest’s hair as the pain was unbearable. 

  


When his tensed muscle began to relax and the buzzing in his head disappeared, Hyunjin felt the light caressing on his thigh. He noticed the fluffy blond hair his fingers were gripping on and quickly pulled them away. His apostate fingers should not be on the priest’s clean body. 

  


The priest got up from his knees, standing just an inch away from the postulant. He brought his thumb across Hyunjin’s forehead, making a cross sign. 

  


“Second Timothy chapter two, verse twenty-one. Those who cleanse themselves from the latter will be instruments for special purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work,” The priest lowered his thumb to graze the postulant’s red, swollen lips. 

  


“You may kneel down to perform your penance. Ten Hail Mary’s and five Our Father’s. And your soul will be purified and your body be cleansed.”

  


Hyunjin complied, kneeling down slowly. The tight cilice was making his every move agonizingly slow. He closed his hands together and began clearing his head, ignoring the puncturing pain down below.

  


_He’s a good child of God._

  


_He’s a good child of God._

  


_He’s a good child of God._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!!! Sorry for the slow update ^^v, I'm pretty busy with school and screaming for skz hahaha,,,,, anyways I'm really sorry for yet another short chapter, but I _promise_ I'll do better at the next chapters!!!


	3. Flesh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry for the really late update! But here I am, bringing the religious smut! Also, though I put it on the tags, I'll just warn you again that this contains blood kink and pain kink! So please do not continue if you're not into this,, ^^v

_psalm 32: 5  
“I acknowledged my sin to You, and I did not hide my wickedness; I said, “I will confess all my transgressions to the Lord”; and You forgave the guilt of my sin.”_

  


The two men knelt face to face. “Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name,” Hyunjin whispered the holy words solemnly. At some point of his prayer, he had put out his cross necklace from his robe, clenching his fist around the silver pendant. It had been his habit of praying since he was a kid. “Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven," he kissed his cross softly. 

  


The postulant had reached his last prayer for the penance. The pain of the cilice on his thigh was long forgotten as it turned into subjection. Hyunjin found himself longing for the piercing ache. He found himself getting fond of the metal piece of torture, found his own fingers rubbing along his swelling thigh. Occasionally pressing on the cilice—as his own breath would hitch at the sting.

  


He started to enjoy the feeling of his own blood dampening his ragged robe.

  


As the young novice-to-be did his penance devotedly, the priest in front of him was quiet, mumbling prayers. Hyunjin would take glimpses at the blond priest in between his prayers. The sight of just the priest kneeling was breathtaking enough. Hyunjin tried to pray as slow as he could, making every word as clear as possible. Prolonging his purification, their adjacency, his pain. 

  


“Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” The postulant stared a little too long at the priest, whose had his hand rested on the upper side of his thigh. He pressed on the cilice again, punishing himself for having such thoughts. Punishing himself for staring too much. Punishing himself for having such sinful eyes. Punishing himself for not taking the sight off the priest, even after his blood started dripping to the floor. 

  


Father Chan gave himself soft strokes as his eyes were closed shut and his mouth whispered barely audible implorations. Hyunjin swore he heard the priest let a low groan. The postulant’s breath hitched again at the overwhelming sensation of everything. “And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.”

  


“For thine is the kingdom, and the power,” Hyunjin silenced himself religiously to concentrate on the priest’s heavy breaths. Ignoring the weird aching between his thighs. “And the glory, for ever and ever." 

  


His lips touched the silver pendant on his fingers, cold layering his dry mouth. When he opened his eyes, he crashed his eyes again at the priest. Father Chan seemed to have finished his prayers, too, judging by the meaningful stare—which Hyunjin couldn’t decrypt—toward the postulant. Hyunjin observed through the sculpture of the priest’s face, not able to wrap around his head just _how beautiful_ Father Chan was, covered by the dim light of his office. Hyunjin’s chest started thumping in an addictive rhythm, it hurted him so good. Hyunjin wanted to punish himself more. 

  


“Kiss your cross, Hyunjin.” 

  


He’s a good, obedient child of God.

  


With his eyes still nailed on the priest, Hyunjin did as ordered. He loved the contrasting temperature of his mouth and his pendant. 

  


He couldn’t think of anything but his sanctification, his purification. He couldn’t see anything but the firm face of Father Chan’s being very close to him. He couldn’t hear anything but the sound of blood rushing in his head and the priest whispering, “put your cross in your mouth, Hwang Hyunjin.”

  


Hyunjin was a good, obedient child of God. He did what was told.

  


His tongue touched the iron taste of his cross. He felt his mouth getting wet with his own saliva. He liked it. It tasted much like blood. Hyunjin liked it. He coated the pendant with his spit, sucking on the silver. Everything felt wet and damp as he felt drool running down his chin, blood dripping on the floor, and the _thing_ between his legs get annoying and soaked. He didn’t leave the priest’s cold stare. 

  


Hyunjin threw his free hand onto his left thigh, pressing on the cilice. The sharp pain made him choke on his spit as his hips jolted forward, thrusting into air. He let out a weird, foreign noise, muffled by the cross inside his mouth. Close to how he would yelp when he stub his toe, but high-pitched. He spot the eyes of the priest, not knowing how to translate his stare. Not knowing why he was smiling. All he knew that he’s desperate for more _everything_.

  


Hyunjin dropped his weight onto his hands and knees, dragging himself closer to the priest. His vision became blurry as he sobbed to the older man. 

  


“Father, please.”

  


The priest tucked his finger into the postulant’s mouth. Hyunjin complied, sucking along his cold cross. He didn’t even know what to think, as his brain scrambled into cries for the priest. Father Chan pulled his finger out, and Hyunjin groaned.

  


“For what, Hwang Hyunjin?” 

  


Hyunjin, too, wasn’t sure what he was begging for. But he’s a good child of God. 

  


“This, Father,” Hyunjin’s hand flew onto the middle of his legs, reaching to his crotch, massaging his hardened _cock_. He groaned and cried at the sensation. “Please, help me, Father. 

  


“Purify me, Father.”

  


Father Chan cooed at the postulant, brushing the hair that’s sticking to Hyunjin’s sweaty forehead. “You are such a good child of God, Hwang Hyunjin. Maybe _He_ doesn’t deserve you after all.”

  


Hyunjin thoughts wasn’t coherent enough to process what the priest meant. He couldn’t care as the priest pushed him back until he’s back in his seating position. He didn’t care when the priest pulled his legs apart. He only cared for the hand that’s replacing his own on his crotch. Father Chan rubbed on his erection slowly, torturously. “Like that, Hyunjin?”

  


Hyunjin nodded, not able to say anything. 

  


“Answer me with words, Hwang Hyunjin,” Father Chan slapped his erection lightly, ignoring the way Hyunjin cried out loud as his hips thrusted forward. “Don’t be a sinner.”

  


“Yes, Father,” Hyunjin sobbed. “ _Just like that, Father_.”

  


The priest motioned his hand back to Hyunjin’s dick, massaging it slowly. He ordered the postulant to suck on his cross necklace, and he complied with obedience, eyes never leaving the priest’s.

  


“You’re making me crazy, Hwang Hyunjin.”

  


Hyunjin was too deep inside the pleasure, he could only hummed in affirmation. 

  


Father Chan ducked down, his hand working on the postulant’s robe to uncover the cloth covering his leaking dick. The priest wrapped his fingers around the shaft, as he brought his mouth closer to the younger’s dick.

  


Hyunjin was thrown into oblivion as he felt the warmth of Father Chan’s mouth around his erection. He felt his eyes rolled back and his own lips opened wide, letting out an embarrassing whimper. His fingers ran through Father Chan’s head, pulling his hair as he thrusted his hips toward the priest’s throat.

  


Father Chan slapped his cilice-covered thigh in surprise, pulling out his mouth. Hyunjin cried, drowned in the immense sensation. Then he felt the priest’s hand pressing on his hip bone, preventing him for more future thrusts. 

  


“Be a good child of God and stay still,” Father Chan ordered, his voice hoarse. “And keep quiet, or everybody outside will hear you.”

  


Hyunjin nodded, his body already covered with tears, sweat, and traces of blood. Even though words were merely floating sounds in his brain and he couldn’t understand why no one could hear him, he slipped his cross back to his mouth. He sucked on his holy cross, enjoying the metallic taste. He hummed in excitement when Father Chan rubbed his veiny hand through Hyunjin’s thigh soothingly, before huddling down to circle his mouth back on him.

  


Without the deadly grip on his hip, Hyunjin would be a squirming mess. His thighs couldn’t stop spasming. His toes started to curl as his legs tried to lock Father Chan between them. His hair were thrown back as his back arched. His fingers were tangled and lost in the priest’s blond locks. But the good, obedient boy kept his mouth shut with the cross pendant between his teeth. 

  


At some point, Father Chan started sucking on the tip of his dick, making him bite his lower lip so hard he tasted blood. He cried. He begged.

  


“Father! Please, it-it’s too much!” 

  


The priest responded with a hum, sending torturous vibrations to the postulant’s shaft. He sobbed, no longer swallowing his moans back. He was too sensitive.

  


“Father-Father please, I’ll cum!”

  


And that was when Father Chan stopped. The warmth cover of the priest’s mouth was replaced by a tight grip of his fingers. Hyunjin thrashed in pain, wanting to release. Oh God, he was so close. So, so close. 

  


Father Chan sat up straight, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. The priest’s warm expression turned back to his usual stern face. Hyunjin whined, whimpered in desperation.

  


As if he didn’t just suck on the postulant’s dick. 

  


“Hwang Hyunjin,” the priest said. “James chapter one, verse fourteen to fifteen. What did it say?”

  


Hyunjin gathered all the thoughts he had left, trying to ignore the aching between his thighs. “But, but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by-by their own evil desire,” Hyunjin sobbed. “And-and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin,”

  


“And sin, when it’s full-grown, gives birth to death,” Father Chan whispered together with him. 

  


“Good boy, Hwang Hyunjin.” 

  


Hyunjin felt like he could reach his orgasm just from Father Chan’s tone.

  


“You have three days left before you receive your ordination, right?”

  


Hyunjin gaped, he had totally forgotten about his holy orders. He was supposed to receive them together with Felix, but it just slipped off his mind the moment his dick went inside the priest’s mouth.

  


“I’m gonna be the one giving you your Holy Orders, Hyunjin,” the priest pat Hyunjin’s head lightly. “For now, my order is for you o wear the cilice until dinner finished, and you must not cum before 9. Be a good child of God, Hwang Hyunjin.”

  

    
    
      
    
    * * *
    
    
    

Hyunjin sat on the floor of his bedroom, fidgeting nervously. He made it through dinner without much questions from Felix, the other postulants, and the nuns (“Hyunjin, why are you walking funny?”). He ate his dinner, barely tasting anything as his mind was filled with his penance before. At last, he excused himself to go to back to his room because he wanted to do his nightly prayer earlier. 

  


He stared at the clock, as if he was demanding it to tick faster. He had his robe draped across his thigh, swollen from the cilice. A bible was rest opened in front of him, showing the book of Psalm. 

  


_“I acknowledged my sin to You, and I did not hide my wickedness; I said, “I will confess all my transgressions to the Lord”; and You forgave the guilt of my sin.”_

  


Hyunjin massaged his thigh, up to his dick all while he recited the verse over and over. He held his cross necklace close to his lips before taking them off, putting it on top of his bible.

  


The strokes on his shaft started getting faster and faster. Hyunjin thrusted his hips uncontrollably to the air. He could only imagine the priest’s hand all over his body. He drown himself in the imagination of him being bathe in the priest’s glory. He cried, mind filled with Father Chan. 

  


When the clock strikes 9, Hyunjin came with the moan of the priest’s name. His head went blank as his body was electrocuted in pleasure. His eyes went dark, as white spurted on his Holy Bible, wetting his cross necklace. 

  


After he came down from his high, he stared at the cilice on his thigh. Hyunjin took off the metal belt, exposing the dotted scars on his pale skin. Some looked like reddish bruises, as some dripped blood. Hyunjin slid his finger around the scar, coating his fingers with his own blood. 

  


He sucked his fingers clean, and made the cross sign afterwards. 

  


“Amen.”

  


Hyunjin smiled, he’s purified. 

  


“Thank you, Father Chan.”

  


As he laid on his bed, he wondered, had he always had such reverence to the priest?


	4. Devotion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!!!! sorry for the reallyrealllyreaally late update!!!! i have no excuse, i kinda lost motivation on this BUT dw i gained it back!! hope i dont disappoint :( small spoiler: they fucked

_james 4:17  
"if anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn't do it, it is sin for them." _

  


"Good morning, Felix, Hyunjin! Both of you are early today!"

  


Felix chuckled as they passed one of the nuns. "Good morning to you too, Sister. I think we both are too excited for our ordinations today, right, Jinnie?"

  


Hyunjin smiled and nodded, later protesting to Felix for pinching his arm. His best friend shrugged, saying that it wasn't his fault that Hyunjin was _somewhere else_. 

  


That morning, Hyunjin woke up early, went to bail water from the well with Felix, took a bath, dressed himself neatly. He even got the chance to munch on a piece of bread from the nuns before going to the Lauds. That morning, everything went normal, nothing out of the ordinary, nothing special. 

  


Except for the fact that the whole morning was done to distract Hyunjin from his head. To distract his brain from the lingering thoughts of the priest. To help his pendulous body escape the addicting nigritude of the priest’s office. To help his fingers forget the feeling of the rough textile of the priest’s cassock, perfectly contradicting his soft skin. How he had engraved the sighting of the priest so deep inside his head, how he _realized_ just how much he had grown to worship the holy father. How he starve for more pain. How his body had grown so much and meld into penance after penance. 

  


And the fact that he's going to receive his ordination that day, did not ease him any better. 

  


After the Lauds, everyone gathered in the chapel. Felix, the social butterfly, had fled elsewhere to talk with the other novices-to-be. Hyunjin was left alone, silently cursing himself to be so awkwardly tall. He scanned around the room, recognizing the bishop, some other priests, nuns and the monks, novices, postulants. Yet his eyes didn't find the glorious sight of Father Chan. 

  


Suddenly feeling nervous, Hyunjin clutched his cross necklace, eyes nailed to the altar in adoration. His cross was always cold; much like Father Chan’s fingers. His first instinct was to put the holy cross inside his mouth.

  


He didn’t. 

  


Instead, he prayed for Father Chan to come and give him his blessing. He sealed his eyes shut, his fists closed around the silver cross. 

  


Grace came in a form of long fingers grabbing his ass (Hyunjin learnt to say that the day before) tight, casually fondling the cheeks through his robe. Hyunjin stopped his prayers, stopped his breathers, stopped his ponders. 

  


Soon the fingers creeped to his front, lightly grazing his crotch, making the postulant bit his lip to repel whimpers. 

  


He felt the warm breath of Father Chan getting close to his ears, the husky voice he adored very much, bathing his eardrums. 

  


"Come to my office, Hwang Hyunjin; you're just a step closer to reach the final step of purification." 

  


As the fingers of the priest keep massaging his clothed cock, Hyunjin couldn't even remember to _whom_ he was praying. All he knew was just that he’s a good child of God and must not disobey commands. 

  


“But what about the ordination, Father?” Hyunjin squeaked, voice barely leaving his throat.

  


Father Chan raised an eyebrow, face seemingly offended. “I’m a priest, Hyunjin. Also, I told you I’m gonna give you your ordinations, did I not?” 

  


Hyunjin nodded fast, feeling heat reaching to his face, his head, his _crotch_. 

  


Was Hyunjin cursed? Was he drugged? Since when did he start captivating, salivating for the holy priest in front of him? 

  


But surely, this is what _God_ wanted him to do, right? He's doing _His_ commands, right? 

  


And Hyunjin is a good child of God, right? 

  


He shut his eyes back, because the more he looked at Father Chan, the more he would want to capture the priest’s sainted expression. To frame it with gold and replace his Holy Bible. 

  


Hyunjin would gladly exchange his soul to perpetuate the freezing sculpture of the priest’s. He would, _gladly_ , exchange his soul and be the lowest servant if it would mean to satisfy the priest.

  


_Because he’s a good child of God._

  


“Of course, Father.” 

  


His breath hitched at the sudden squeeze on his side. “Now, come with me, Hwang Hyunjin. This is what you’ve been patiently waiting for.”

  


Hyunjin didn’t quite understand what Father Chan meant, but he let his body melt onto the hold of the priest on his waist anyway. Leading him through their way to the priest’s office, nobody even bat an eye to their leaving. Hyunjin longed the feeling of being invisible. 

  


Hyunjin didn’t quite understand why Father Chan was walking oddly hurried, but he followed anyway, not saying a word.

  


Hyunjin didn’t quite understand why Father Chan opened his office door so harshly, but he slithered behind the priest as he slammed the door back close anyway.

  


The room was always filled with gloom and uncertainty. Hyunjin couldn’t see anything but the vague silhouette of the priest, locking the door _very impatiently_. Hyunjin stood silent in the midst of the rustles. He didn’t quite understand what they’re meant to be doing, but a good child of God won’t object a thing done by the priest, right? 

  


Hyunjin… didn’t quite understand why Father Chan turned around so suddenly and slammed their lips together. 

  


His eyes went wide; he gaped his mouth as air was stolen by the priest. Father Chan had his eyes tightly shut, with his icy fingers tugging on Hyunjin’s chin and his body pushing him to the wall. 

  


Hyunjin submitted anyway.

  


Reluctantly, Hyunjin closed his eyes as the priest’s tongue started to travel inside his mouth, sliding along his own tongue. His head scrambled with the thoughts of how _beautiful_ Father Chan must’ve looked. And it unscrambled when the soft lips of the priest pecked his, wet. Hyunjin let out a sigh of gratitude as he felt his saliva mix with the priest’s. 

  


It’s holy. 

  


Father Chan was holy. 

  


He’s making Hyunjin, too, holy.

  


Father Chan grabbed the back of Hyunjin’s head, seemingly wanting to swallow the postulant’s face whole. Hyunjin complied, draping his arms around the priest’s neck that’s covered by his cassock. Pulling him closer and closer, Hyunjin moaned in desperation, his voice swallowed by the priest. 

  


He didn’t even know what he was desperate for—but he sure knew that he wanted more. He then felt Father Chan’s lips forming a smirk. 

  


He wondered why.

  


Hyunjin stopped wondering as his brain stopped working when the priest pulled one of his legs upward. 

  


And removed any distance left between the two of their bodies. And glued them together.

  


And oh, the friction. 

  


The _friction_.

  


“Father!”

  


Father Chan’s hand went to grab Hyunjin’s lower back, lining their hips together and started grinding. Rutting on his crotch the way Hyunjin’s dog would do when in heat. 

  


_Isn’t this filthy?_

  


_Isn’t this sin?_

  


_Would a good child of God ever do this?_

  


_But, Father Chan’s doing this to me, right?_

  


_Therefore, this is okay, is it not?_

  


“Father, more, please!”

  


Father Chan shut him up with his own lips, devouring the postulant’s mouth. It was awfully addicting, tasting the priest. Hyunjin found himself just sticking his tongue out while the priest do all the work. Hyunjin loved it. Hyunjin wanted to suck on the priest like a communion bread. Maybe he’d be full that way; maybe he’d finally feel satisfied.

  


He couldn’t think of anything but the need for more, the need to grind back. The need to devour Father Chan. Holding to the priest’s neck so tightly, he started pleading and begging, slurring his words. 

  


“Father, please, I want to taste you.”

  


Everything stopped. 

  


Father Chan tugged his chin, forcing the postulant to look at him. Hyunjin whined, the sight of the priest’s dusky, mysterious deep orbs just make his desperation worsen. 

  


“Maybe I’d let you do that later, Hwang Hyunjin.”

  


Despite his own reddened face and panting breaths (and the obvious bulge behind his cassock), Father Chan kept his voice cold as he muttered, “after you do your ordination.”

  


Hyunjin swore his dick twitched at just that. 

  


Was he that desperate?

  


He sure was. Desperate for his purification.

  

    
    
      
    
    * * *
    
    
    

Hyunjin had done this a lot, but never had he thought to do this to a priest, moreover to Father Chan.

  


He sat at the cramped confession, facing the screen. He can’t help but fidget, rubbing on his clothed, aching erection. He let out a low breath.

  


“I told you to not touch yourself, Hwang Hyunjin.”

  


Hyunjin’s fingers went back to his side almost immediately, gripping dangerously tight on his chair. He snapped his eyes shut, dripping out a tear. 

  


Father Chan too, took a deep breath before starting the confession. Hyunjin adored how he could manage his breath to be not shaky, unlike his sinful, troublesome self.

  


“In the name of the Father, and The Son, and The Holy Spirit.”  
“May God, who has enlightened every heart, help you to know your sins and trust in his mercy,” Hyunjin started.

  
“Bless me, for I have sinned. It has been a week since my last confession.”

  


Anticipating for what kind of disdain Father Chan might have done in the past week, Hyunjin felt his heart beating rapidly. 

  


Father Chan began his confession. “I am craving to touch a body of a young man,” Hyunjin gasped. “A beautiful body You created, a body of a postulant. He is such a good, obedient child of God. And for that, I have been desperate to make him mine, God. To make him kneel to me, to make him submit to me.”

  


Hyunjin felt air started to escape his lungs. 

  


“He takes punishments so well. He believes in me, more than he believes in You.”

  


Hyunjin shooked his head. That’s not true! He would never betray God’s trust in his belief. He’s a good child of God. 

  


“He never questions my deeds, he obeyed so well as I wrapped cilice on his beautiful thigh. He got off from the pain, God. He would _touch his dick_ while having spikes piercing his silky thigh. He would _cum_ while moaning for you, God.”

  


A part of Hyunjin wanted to scream and stop the priest from exposing his sacrilege, yet a part of him wanted _God to hear more_. He kept his mouth shut, he kept his hands to his sides. 

  


“For that, God, I envy You. I want to have such privilege as You. I want him to scream _my_ name instead of Yours. I want him to kneel to me, not to You. I want him to _pray_ for me, and not to You.”

  


Hyunjin shuddered, half for being scared and half because his dick twitched at that. His robe started to get wet by pre-cum and he wanted to just rip it off. Tears started rolling down his cheeks as he silently cried in desperation. To get off, to get under the priest, to get just the littlest friction. 

  


His head spun.

  


“I pray everyday, God, for him to be my own disciple. To be my own servant, and I would be his God. To hear him moan for me, fucked by me. To punish him, to reward him. To curse him to his forever agony, to send him to his eternal bliss. To be inside him, to be kept forever inside him.”

  


“I want him to be mine, and not Yours, God.”

  


Father Chan took a light breath. “I am sorry for these and all the sins of my past life.”

  


With his body on fire, Hyunjin was burnt with lust and need. He could only whimper, voice breathy and whiny. “Ja-james chapter four, verse seventeen. If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it… it is sin for them.” 

  


He couldn’t think no more. 

  


“For your penance, Father,” Hyunjin stood up, walking with shaky legs toward the confessional booth, harshly opening the door. He slammed the door back shut, leaving both of them with only dim light. He positioned himself on the priest’s lap, cradling his face with darkened eyes. He couldn’t decrypt what Father Chan’s expression meant, he didn’t care. 

  


“Say one Act of Contrition, and fuck me like the God you are, Father.”

  

    
    
      
    
    * * *
    
    
    

If Hyunjin were to describe Father Chan, he would describe him as something very ensuring and endearing, yet endangering. 

  


The way he caressed his lower back, was ensuring. The way his other hand held Hyunjin’s, was endearing. The way he ripped Hyunjin’s robe off and opened his legs as he positioned the postulant to sit on one of his legs, was endangering.

  


With his erection finally freed from the suffocating robe, Hyunjin whined, grinding down on the priest’s thigh. The friction brought him to his high, moaning loud for Father Chan.

  


“Sssh, Hwang Hyunjin. People outside can hear,” Father Chan brought the postulant’s cross to his mouth, ordering him to suck on it. 

  


Hyunjin shooked. “I want to taste _you_ , Father.” 

  


“Needy, needy sinner.” 

  


Contradicting his words, Father Chan did as the postulant wished, connecting their swollen lips, swallowing the postulant’s moans. Intoxicating, yet both of them are growing dependency on the feeling. 

  


While devouring the postulant’s mouth, Father Chan reached to his pocket, pulling out a sachet of lube and a packet of condom. Hyunjin was completely oblivious of what about to happen as his face was glued to the priest’s. Father Chan opened the lube sachet open, generously coating his fingers with it.

  


Hyunjin jolted, accidentally biting into Father Chan’s lip as the priest inserted one finger without warning. The priest murmured an apology, secretly planning for more surprises as he enjoyed the sting of his bitten lip. 

  


Father Chan continued kissing the postulant to distract him from the foreign feeling in his ass. 

  


One finger then became two, two became three. Hyunjin really enjoyed being stretched, he begged for more and more. His head was clouded with pleasure and admiration toward the priest, and the priest, too, was enjoying his foreplay. Maybe a little too much. 

  


Father Chan continued fucking Hyunjin with his fingers, longing for the postulant’s religiously erotic reactions. 

  


“Father!” The postulant moaned loud, hip thrusting forward. His body jolted in pleasure as the sensation overwhelmed him. He threw his head on the crook of the priest’s neck. “What was that?”

  


Father Chan eyes darkened and he smirked. “That was your prostate, Hwang Hyunjin.” 

  


As if he found a jackpot, the priest started to hit the spot over and over, making the postulant squirmed, biting on the priest’s neck to hold back his whines. Father Chan enjoyed the pain. 

  


“Father! Please, too much! Please, Father!”

  


Father Chan raised an eyebrow. “You’re going to cum just from my fingers, Hwang Hyunjin? Pathetic.”

  


Hyunjin sobbed. Pathetically.

  


“Then you won’t be fucked by my dick, sinner.”

  


The postulant’s eyes widened, face damp with tears. “Please, Father, fuck me.”

  


The priest smirked.

  


“Since you asked so nicely.”

  


He took out his fingers—as Hyunjin whined to the emptiness—and quickly wrapped the condom on his rock-hard dick, pouring more lube. He wasted no time to line his cock with Hyunjin’s hole, asking the postulant to sit on it slowly.

  


Hyunjin let out a moan before shoving his cross necklace inside his own mouth. He shut his eyes, his senses being too overwhelmed with everything. As he slowly slid the dick further down his tight ass, Father Chan moaned out his name.

  


With Father Chan's lips letting out threats most of the time, that time Hyunjin allowed himself to gravitate toward the warm tone of the priest's. Such precious, sacred voice, whispering his name. It’s an ave, of his name. 

  


They stayed still for a moment until the postulant relaxed and began moving sloppily, trying to create a friction. Father Chan watched him, entertained by the dumb saint. 

  


“Father, please move, please, please, I can’t,” he pleaded desperately, not really sure of what he just babbled out. 

  


“I don’t think that’s how you beg for me, sinner,” Father Chan whispered close to his ears, his hands fled to keep his hips still. Hyunjin shuddered.

  


With his brain no longer functioning and just screaming for _pleasure_ , Hyunjin could only whine. “Father? Please fuck me?” 

  


“Pretty sure that’s not what you’re supposed to call me,” Father Chan smirked.

  


Hyunjin thrashed his head back into the crook of the priest’s neck, whining out loud. “God, please fuck me!”

  


“Good boy, Hwang Hyunjin.”

  


Father Chan lifted Hyunjin’s hips with such ease, bouncing the postulant on his cock. Hyunjin was too sensitive after being played for what felt like hours, he couldn’t form coherent sentence. 

  


“Oh God, oh _God_ , more, please, please, please!”

  


“Keep screaming on my name like that, good boy.”

  


The priest wasn’t any better. Despite his stable movement and continuous degradation, his voice was too shaky, slipping into moans here and there. The sensation was too overwhelming for both of them, both becoming close.

  


Father Chan thrusted his hips with a different angle, hitting the postulant’s prostate dead-on. 

  


And that’s when Hyunjin lost his mind, screaming for God. Screaming for more. Screaming for how _good_ his God’s _cock_ felt inside his tight hole. 

  


“God, I’m so close!” Hyunjin cried, his movement became out of rhythm. 

  


“You can cum, Hwang Hyunjin. You’ve been purified, been cleansed by me.”

  


Because _Hyunjin was a good child of God_ , he came as soon as the words came out of the priest’s mouth. His eyes rolled back, his mind went blank. He arched his back as the intense pleasure washed over him.

  


Everything was a buzz for a second, and he couldn’t hear a thing but the moan of the priest and the continuous slaps of their skin. 

  


As he came down from his high, his gaze hit Father Chan’s closed eyes. The priest’s face was scrunched up from the pleasure, so much that Hyunjin could mistake it for being in pain. His face was glistening with sweat, his skin looked caramel from the dim light. Hyunjin would _sell his soul_ to lick the crystal-like sweat off of his sacred face. The priest’s lip was swollen and red with a trace of blood a little everywhere, gaping wide as he groaned, _loud_ , reaching his own climax.

  


Hyunjin’s stare went down to the priest’s cassock, painted white with his release. 

  


Father Chan looked so immensely beautiful, Hyunjin wanted to worship him for the rest of his life. 

  


“Father,” Hyunjin whispered, removing the hair that’s sticking on the priest’s forehead. “Can I kiss you?”

  


Father Chan smiled, in a thousand times warmer tone. Hyunjin drowned in his glory.

  


“Of course, Hyunjin. Kiss me all you want.”

  


Hyunjin touched the priest’s swollen lip, before kissing it deep, lovingly. The kiss was different from their previous starving kisses. Hyunjin didn’t know how to describe it, but it gave his stomach a weird tingling feeling. He decided he loved it. 

  


The priest took out his dick from Hyunjin who whined again from the emptiness. He cooed at the postulant, rubbing his back while the younger rested his head on the priest’s shoulder.

  


“Thank you, Father,” Hyunjin whispered. “Thank you for purifying me.”


	5. Sanctity

_romans 6:22  
"But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life."_  


  


The church found out about what happened.  


  


After _everything_ they did in the confessional booth, the bishop went to check why they were spending so much time in the cramped box. And there, the holy man caught them. Hwang Hyunjin, naked on the priest's lap, his arms linked around the older’s neck. That's when everything went into upheaval. Chaos.  


  


Hyunjin was oblivious to the frantic yelling of the bishop; he thought the disarrayed crowd were funny. He chuckled as Father Chan helped him back to his robe furiously, he giggled as the priest dragged him into presbytery. He remembered the bishop’s fingers in his hair, forcing him to stare at the old man. Hyunjin loved having his hair pulled. He moaned for more.  


  


_"Jesus Christ, kid! What is wrong with you?!"_  


  


Everything was a blur to Hwang Hyunjin; he couldn’t very much decrypt everything. As he was obliviously forced to sit beside the priest before the bishop, he still didn’t understand the chaos. Why one nun was crying, why the other was yelling.  


  


“ _You’ve been purified, been cleansed by me._ ”  


  


Then, there was absolutely nothing wrong with him, right? He was a good child of God. He was a _sanctified_ child of God. As the blabbering chaos continued, Hwang Hyunjin subconsciously inserted his silver cross inside his mouth, sucking the crucifix as the bishop threw him a look of disbelief, later yanking the "holy cross out of his filthy, contemptible mouth".  


  


He dozed off, with the picture of Father Chan behind his heavy lids. He closed his eyes, forgetting the floating noises behind his ears. With the sound of the priest’s moans deep inside his brain. With Father Chan’s fingertips still engraved in his skin. The tight cilice still clawing through his skin, drying blood tracing his thigh.  


  


Though the words spurted were very much a blur, Hwang Hyunjin could hear that “Father Chan was excommunicated1 lata senentia2”. That the-no-longer priest was excommunicated due to " _absolving his accomplices in a sin against the commandment against adultery_ " and " _violating the sacramental seal of confession_ ".  


  


Through the strained voice of the bishop’s, he heard that he too, was kicked out of the church. Never to "drag his blaspheming, sacrilege being back to this sacred place of God".  


  


_Hasn't he been a good enough child of God?_  


  


Though his brain was too much of a mush to process anything, he remembered Felix crying out curses to him when he came to his room to gather his belongings. He too remembered his own crazed screeching filling the humid air. As he stuffed his bible back to his case, as he threw away all the hate letters from his family, as he ripped the rosary beads resting on his desk. His best friend’s cries echoed through the dampened walls as Hwang Hyunjin laughed, hitting his own head with a wooden crucifix he yanked from the wall.  


  


Hwang Hyunjin remembered how he kept laughing as the no-longer Father Chan barged in the room and pulled the no-longer postulant away from his hysterical best friend.  


  


_Was he drugged? Was he cursed?_  


  


Hwang Hyunjin could remember that it was a downpour when the no-longer priest dragged him out of the chapel. He remembered how cold the day was, how everything was wet and damp and how he was soaked to the bone. He remembered how his bare feet were covered in mud, how his robe was bathed in rain. He too, remembered how beautiful no-longer Father Chan was, even in the midst of the heavy tears from above. He remembered how the no-longer priest pulled him close and crashed their lips as soon as they broke out of the chapel. He remembered the warmth of his lips, remembered how he slithered his tongue inside the older’s mouth like it was muscle memory.  


  


He remembered how a nun howled at them, a hoarse voice begging them to _just leave_. How she cursed at them, yelling out the fourteenth verse from the twentieth chapter of Exodus, her voice laced with cries. Even out of the chapel, Hwang Hyunjin would always be the best son of God, and would never disappoint Him. Of course he’d remember the Ten Commandments.  


  


_”Thou shalt not commit adultery!” _  
__

  


He remembered how he looked up at no-longer Father Chan, and how he knew that it wasn’t sin at all. It was an act of worship, an act of sanctification. An act of purification, an act of mortification. Hwang Hyunjin found himself, again, drowned to the sight of a soaked man in front of him. His.  


  


His.  


  


_His._  


  


They crash their eyes again, and Hyunjin smiled.  


  


He’s a purified child of God.  


  


Hyunjin felt his hand tugged with the beautiful fingers of no-longer Father Chan, followed with the gentle whisper to his ear. The hymn, the ave of his name. The song he loved the most, the ballad he’d die to praise for the rest of his life. “Let’s get out of here, Hwang Hyunjin.”  


  


  


* * *

  


__  
It’s a crappy apartment. Dimly-lit kitchen greeted them first thing when they opened the creepily-creaking door. There were cracks all over the wall, and the room was already stuffy even when it was empty. Sunlight could barely get through the windows, making the cramped room dark and gloomy. There was a weird smell floating around their nostrils. Probably caused by the dead mice they found in the corners of the bedroom, the bathroom, and under the sink.  
The rent was extremely cheap, though.  
__

  


____

__“Oh yeah, Hyunjin,” No-longer Father Chan said after snapping the creaking door shut, eyes nailed on the doorknob. “My name is Bang Chan. You can just call me Chan.”  
_ _

“Huh?” Hyunjin looked at him with vacant eyes. He wasn’t sure if his abject self could call him just _his_ name without an honorific. That’d feel like a blasphemy. That’d be sinning. He shook his head.  


  


“Father, I don’t think I can-“  


  


He didn’t expect the older to push him onto the door, earning a worrying creak and a loud thud as he dropped their bags on the dirty floor. Hyunjin froze as his thoughts went scrambling the second he caught the eyes of the no-longer priest. He shuddered at the intense stare, he felt his body heating just from their lack of distance. He held his breath when no-longer Father Chan stated sharply.  


  


“I’m no longer a priest, okay? I got excommunicated. Latae sententiae. I’m not going back there, Hyunjin.”  


  


“Don’t _ever_ call me a Father again.”  


  


Hyunjin squeaked weakly and nodded nervously. He hated how aroused he got just from ~~the priest's~~ Chan’s hateful tone. He loved the way ~~Father~~ Chan made him so small, how he’s able to make him submit just from his voice. He gasped, again, when ~~Father~~ Chan grabbed his chin and whispered reprehensibly close to his ears.  


  


“Good boy, Hwang Hyunjin.”  


  


  


* * *

  


__  
For the very first time, they finally got to know each other. Chan told him about his religious parents, and Hyunjin told him about his strict parents. About how they sent him to Catholic boarding school after seeing him kiss another boy. About the letters they sent him every few weeks, telling him to not come home before he _fixed his faith_. Hyunjin thanked the older for fixing his faith, for mortifying him. And for the very first time, being seen while crying felt comfortable to Hyunjin.  
__

  


____

__Hyunjin also learned that ~~Father~~ Chan also had an english name for when he lived in Australia in his younger years. The name that got the older’s ears all perked up when Hyunjin tried saying it the first time. The name that got ~~the priest~~ him all feral when Hyunjin whispered the name repeatedly like a mantra.  
_ _

_Christopher Bang_.  


  


“Can I just call you that from now on?” After they were done cleaning, they laid on the hard mattress. The dim light flickering above their bodies. Hyunjin asked, head laying on ~~Father~~ Chan’s broad chest. The older ruffled his hair, chuckling. “Don’t. I won’t survive.”  


  


Hyunjin tilted his head. “What does that mean?”  


  


“You’re gonna have to mortify your flesh for each time you want to call me that, Hwang Hyunjin.”  


  


Hyunjin would never get used to the way ~~Father~~ Chan called his full name. It would always make his stomach feel funny and his brain jitter and his cheeks hot and his head buzz. Hyunjin spent 20 years of his life getting sick of being called by his full name. Yet when the words rolled out of ~~Father~~ Chan’s mouth, it sounded so graceful. Sacred. Like an ave, a hymn. A praise. A prayer. Hyunjin wanted to kneel down to the older, praise him every night and day. He would fast for 40 days if it meant to honor the no-longer priest. He would be abused if that meant he could lie beside him. He would starve, he would suffer, he would _kill_. If it meant to please the man beside him.  


  


And all those feelings came just from the husky voice saying his full name.  


  


“ _Christopher_ , you know how much I love the cilice,” Hyunjin smiled.  


  


“Jesus, when did you get so teasy?”  


  


Hyunjin didn’t know what part of his words were ‘teasy’, but he loved the chuckle that ~~Father~~ Chan let out. He loved the hand nesting on his hair, he loved every single stroke on the older’s fingertips that were pinching his cheek.  


  


He adored every inch, every micrometer of Christopher Bang’s being.  


  


  


* * *

__  
Surprisingly, Hyunjin managed to find himself a job as a cashier at the closest deli. Too, much to Hyunjin surprise, Chan had the skill to brew coffee, thus earning himself a job as a barista at a fancy-looking coffee shop franchise near their apartment. At one weekend, they spent a day swimming at the pool and Chan told Hyunjin about his hobby to swim (which explained why the former priest's body was built like an athlete).  
__

____

__It was odd, to Hyunjin. To see Chan normally, to talk to him casually. To laugh and crack jokes with him. To have sex with him without doing mortification priorly. To have the older man as the first thing he saw when waking up in the morning.  
_ _

To finally, gravitate toward him.  


  


After three months of working, they finally saved enough money in their pocket to refurbish their grave-like apartment. A whole day was spent with them wandering at a local thrift store, picking whatever they thought were necessary to lift up the atmosphere of their dead living place. Hyunjin insisted on getting a small desk and a white cloth, along with some candles and a pretty wooden crucifix to make a little altar in their living room. They spent the next day cleaning and redecorating their apartment. Chan immediately claimed the shabby couch in the living room as his territory, which Hyunjin denied while throwing himself on top of the older.  


  


The altar was definitely Hyunjin’s favorite spot in their apartment, as he would spend hours kneeling in front of the cross with his postulant robe coating his body and a cilice beautifully circling his thigh. He loved the ambience around the altar; it made him feel safe and protected. He would read his bible, would pray, would sing an ave, would jerk off in front of it. Sometimes Chan would join in in casual clothing, sometimes in his priest cassock, sometimes with no clothing at all.  


  


Sometimes they would pray together. Sometimes Chan would watch Hyunjin pray to him as he touched himself, sometimes the older would just kneel beside the younger with vacant eyes and the spiked belt wrapping his own thigh. Sometimes the former priest would bend the younger over the altar, knocking off some of the candles and fuck him in front of the crucifix.  


  


And that’s when Hwang Hyunjin loved the altar the most.  


  


  


* * *

__  
Hyunjin was very excited. A customer fussed about an abandoned church two blocks away, and Hyunjin sparked an idea. They had never been to church after leaving the chapel. Hwang Hyunjin missed kneeling in the pew, he missed praying in a real church. As soon as his shift finished, he ran back to their apartment, and managed to get the older man back in his cassock.  
__

____

__The younger went and prepared himself. Hyunjin made sure that his crucifix necklace is secured on his neck. He made sure he wrapped the cilice on his thigh, because praying didn’t feel as sacred without the spikes piercing his ruined skin.  
_ _

With fingers intertwined, both of them arrived at the gate of the abandoned church. Its doors were heavy and dusty, creaking and screeching when pushed. Hyunjin was stunned by the interior. Most of the windows were removed, revealing the dusk light breaking through the gap. One stained glass was still intact in its place, spreading colors throughout the empty apse. Hyunjin found himself drowned in awe by the design.  


  


Hyunjin’s attention was soon stolen by the light pouring from the window on top of the nave. Father Chan was standing under the highlight, making him look majestic. Even his silhouette looked perfect, like he was a fallen angel. The older man was staring at the painting on the dome of the nave, his eyes sparkling at every stroke of color.  


  


“It’s like you,” Chan whispered when the younger approached him. Hyunjin frowned, not understanding what he meant. He looked up, seeing how the dome had a big crack through the painting, thus the shower of dusk.  


  


The older continued. “You belong to the house of God with that beauty. Such divine, pretty colors splattered all over you, Hwang Hyunjin,” his tone was sad, Hyunjin could mistake it as apologetic. “I stained it. I stained you with my disdain, Hwang Hyunjin.”  


  


Chan fell to his knees, his beautiful fingers covering his own face. “I’m sorry, Hyunjin. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”  


  


Hyunjin didn’t understand why the older was sobbing, but he hated making others cry. He kneeled in front of the older man, pulling him into his own chest. “You’re not at fault, Chan. I was stained from the very beginning,” Hyunjin giggled. “You saved me, you purified me, Chan.”  


  


He reached to the former priest, cupping his tear-stained cheeks. “Thank you.”  


  


Chan raised from his knees, grabbing the back of Hyunjin’s head to kiss him. It was different, this time. No desire to devour him, more to a comforting kiss. Hyunjin could do this for hours, he loved the feeling of the older’s lips against his. When Chan broke the kiss, Hyunjin immediately circled his arms around the older’s neck to pull him back again and smash their lips back together.  


  


Hyunjin was drugged, intoxicated by the taste of the former priest. That time, the kiss was sloppier. Hyunjin couldn’t figure out whose saliva was which, nor did he care. His head was only filled with Chan. Chan. Chan. He wanted more of him. He wanted all of him. His hands slithered down the older’s cassock, unbuttoning the garment, untying the cloth cincture.  


  


“Hwang Hyunjin, _Christ_ , slow down!”  


  


He didn’t stop undressing the older. He was so desperate for the taste of the older. With his mouth exploring every inch of the older’s exposed skin, he started grinding on the former priest’s thigh that’s still coated by the black cloth. “Christopher, please,” he begged. Hyunjin wasn’t sure about anything but his desperate desire to have the older inside him.  


  


Chan growled at the usage of his english name, suddenly pushing the younger to the concrete floor. The former postulant moaned. He submitted, presenting himself to be dominated by the man on top of him. Chan was beautiful on top of him. Chan looked holy with his cassock unbuttoned and ruined, he looked beautiful basked by the dusk light. Hyunjin was blinded by the light that illuminated the older, shivering by the sight that looked like it was forbidden to be seen.  


  


“Please, please, _Father_ , I need you inside me,” he whispered.  


  


Chan rubbed his hand on Hyunjin’s clothed erection, chuckling. He proceeded to lift the robe Hyunijn wore, revealing the metal belt with pretty red dots painting his skin. “God loves you, Hwang Hyunjin. Get up,” Chan commanded, pulling the younger to stand and walk toward the altar. Hyunjin complied, shakily stepping to the main structure of the church. He faced the big crucifix. He gulped, before questioning what to do to the former priest behind him.  


  


“Show your gratitude to the Lord, Hwang Hyunjin.”  


  


Hyunjin complied, shutting his eyes. He pulled out his cross necklace and held it between his hands before starting his prayer. “Lord, I dwell upon your greatness. For every breath I’m allowed to take, for every day I’m allowed to go through, for everyone I’m able to meet, I thank You,” Hyunjin murmured. His breath hitched at the fingers that’s suddenly grabbing his hips and the heat of another body that’s gluing to his own.  


  


“Chan…” he pleaded weakly. He just wanted to be touched. The older ignored him, caressing his back, down to his ass, further to his thigh. When the fingers traced the spiked belt on his skin, Hyunjin moaned and grinded his ass to meet any friction he could get.  


  


“I didn’t ask you to stop, Hwang Hyunjin. Continue the prayer; let Him know how grateful you are for Him. Let Him know how filthy you are for Him, how you long the feeling to be fucked by Him.”  


  


Hyunjin’s brain struggled to figure if the older was talking about God or about himself, but he wanted to be good. For God, for Chan, for hell! He didn’t even know who to obey. To follow the Ten Commandments or to oblige and drown to the touch of the former priest, he didn’t wanna know anymore.  


  


“Dear God, I thank You for Your presence in my low life, for being my savior in the midst of my sin. I am grateful to have You to remind me of my bad deeds, to allow me to fix my mistakes,” Hyunjin sighed at the finger that’s stroking his thighs, slowly lifting his robe and exposing his skin to the cold air. He moaned at the sudden bite on his ear. He shivered at the whisper that came next.  


  


“Continue.”  


  


“I thank You, God, for spoiling my rotten self, for taking care of my stained body. I am grateful for your presence in my life, to have you beside me whenever I wake or sleep. Thank You, God, for being alongside myself throughout my life journey, for keeping up with me,” Hyunjin wasn’t so sure to whom he was praying, but he sure wasn’t able to think due to the fingers on the rim of his ass. The teasing fingers that’s rubbing the plug he put inside himself before going to the church.  


  


“Such a good boy, aren’t you? Filling yourself with a plug…” Chan teased, slowly pulling out the lubed plug from the younger’s ass. “God is so proud of you, Hwang Hyunjin.”  


  


Hyunjin let himself dwell on the praise, smiling to himself. He satisfied his God. His blank head was disrupted by the sudden entrance of the older’s finger. “Chan!”  


  


“Continue your prayer, Hwang Hyunjin.”  


  


Hyunjin tried to control his breather, sighing out. “Dear Lord, I thank You for all the good you did to me, for all the kisses you give me. Lord, not ever will I spend a second of my life tarnishing your name with dirt. God, please, I want more of your fingers inside me, I long to have your graceful hands stretching my filthy hole,” he moaned as the second finger entered his lubed hole, the other hand of the priest pressing on the cilice. Hyunjin enjoyed the way blood ran down his flesh, maybe a little too much.  


  


“I thank You for every day you spent to look after me, every time you spare to listen to my prayers. I am grateful for your generosity, and mortifying my sacrileged flesh,” the third finger came inside him and began to rub his prostate, earning choked whines from the younger.  


  


Hyunjin started to feel the tears pooling in his eyes.  


  


“Chan, please,” Hyunjin moaned.  


  


The older responded with a taunt. “Don’t be disrespectful, Hwang Hyunjin.”  


  


Hyunjin just wanted to be fucked. “Please, God…”  


  


Had Hyunjin always been so obsessed with him? So desperate to just gravitate towards the older? To be devoured by him? To be his disciple? To be his own servant, for him to be his _God_? To moan for him? Be fucked by him? Be punished by him, be rewarded by him? To be cursed to his forever agony and be sent to his eternal bliss?  


  


When the older finally inserted his dick inside him, he couldn’t help himself but thanking him over and over like it was the only word he knew. Chan didn’t waste his time just staying still; he soon began a rough pace that got the younger crying.  


  


“God, more, please!”  


  


“And who are you to ask your God like that?”  


  


Despite the words, Hyunjin liked to think that the former priest was just as overwhelmed as he was, with his nails carving crescents into the skin of his bloody thigh and his uncontrolled breathers. Oh, and how his thrusting became faster and rougher, hitting all the right spots that made the younger’s eyes roll back. Hyunjin let himself dwell on the sounds of slapping skins and the grunts of the older.  


  


Hwang Hyunjin felt the older resting his head on the crook of his neck, biting into his sensitive skin. Hyunjin was practically a mush; he couldn’t form words that’s not the former priest’s name or pleadings for more.  


  


Chan creeped his hand to the cilice on Hyunjin’s thigh and pressed on it yet again, drawing more blood and screams from the younger man. Hyunjin started chasing the movements of the older’s dick while grinding on the altar. He then felt wet, cold fingers slithering to his mouth which he mindlessly curled his tongue around. Hyunjin noticed the iron taste of his own blood. His eyes rolled back; the smell and taste of his own blood made everything felt so, so much better.  


  


“Hwang Hyunjin, do you want to come?” The older asked, his voice breathy and laced with moans. Hyunjin whined. “Yes, God, please!”  


  


He felt the breathing of the older getting really close to his ears, he almost came at the whisper. “Be a good child of God, Hwang Hyunjin. Ask nicely, ask for permission, beg for mercy.”  


  


Hwang Hyunjin racked his mushy brain to figure out the meaning of the words. He couldn’t; he just wanted to come. His knees felt like jelly and he felt like he’s about to pass out. He lifted his teary gaze to look up to the big crucifix in front of them, crying out the verse from Psalm.  


  


“Have mercy on me, O God! According to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion, blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin!”  


  


Without having arms around him, Hwang Hyunjin felt himself being embraced by the former priest. He felt the voice he loved the most filling the space between them, hollowing out any thoughts left on his head. “I knew you would always be such a good boy for me, Hwang Hyunjin. Come.”  


  


With those words, Hyunjin came. He arched his back as his vision blurred, the name of the older lingering in his mouth. When the buzzing in his head stopped, Hyunjin noticed that he had painted the altar with his filth. The thrusts inside him became a mess and out of rhythm.  


  


“Hwang Hyunjin, Hwang Hyunjin, Hwang Hyunjin…” Chan moaned his name over and over like a mantra when he finally came inside him. Hyunjin loved it. Hyunjin would die to hear that voice and only that voice for the rest of his sainted life. Hyunjin loved being filled by the older. He felt full and holy. He felt right.  


  


Chan pulled out after a while, and the former postulant fell to the dirty floor because his knees couldn’t support him no more. Hyunjin’s cheeks heated as he felt fluid leaking out of his hole, mixing with his own blood on the concrete.  
“You’re beautiful like this, Hwang Hyunjin,” the older kneeled in front of him, and pulled him for another kiss. Hyunjin smiled because he sure knew that there’s nothing beautiful about him right now. When he pulled out to take another look at the former priest’s face, he knew that everything’s just right.  


  


Hyunjin reached to his own neck, taking off his cherished cross necklace. He put it over the former priest’s head, his fingers working to circle the silver around the older’s neck. Now that Chan had that necklace on him, Hyunjin knew that the holy man would always have him forever.  


  


Chan looked beautiful like that; bathed by the dim light from the sky. Hyunjin laid his head to the altar, admiring the older. Admiring the serene atmosphere they’re in. He took Chan’s hand closer and kissed it.  


  


Hwang Hyunjin thought then, maybe he could reach sanctity with Chris as his deity.  


  


* * *

1In the canon law of the Catholic Church, excommunication (Lat. _ex_ , out of, and _communio_ or _communicatio_ , communion, meaning exclusion from the communion), the principal and severest censure, is a medicinal, spiritual penalty that deprives the guilty Christian of all participation in the common blessings of ecclesiastical society. Being a penalty, it presupposes guilt; and being the most serious penalty that the Catholic Church can inflict, it naturally supposes a very grave offense.  
2Latae sententiae is a Latin phrase, meaning “sentence (already) passed”, used in the canon law of the Catholic Church.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SO SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME SO LONG TO COMPLETE.... i kinda lost motivation on the way of writing it but Here I Am! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!


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